You still have my book.
I remember when I was waiting for this book to be released, years ago, when I was working at a bookstore. The stock manager, or whatever her actual title was, set one copy aside specially for me. Its lived in various bags far more than it’s designated place on my shelf, with a beat up cover and water stained pages to prove it.
I was on a vacation the last time I was reading it, while we were together. And lying in the sun, studying its contents, I thought of you. We’d discussed the author before, I’d discussed the book with you before. So when I came back, I gave it to you.
Temporarily, at least in intention.
The time before the last time I saw you, you had it in your bag. You were bringing it to work with you – you were definitely reading it. And that made me happier than I could say.
Do I bring this up now? How? It feels seems petty and unnecessary. Reopening a wound that should be closed by now, and I’m still picking and re-picking at the scab. It feels both like an excuse to talk to you and an excuse to make sure we never talk again. So long as you have that book, I have an excuse to message you. Have a reason to reach out.
And again, it also feels petty and childish as all hell to ask for it back now, after so much time has passed. And I’m afraid of what would happen if I did. If I’m ready for the closure of you.
But really, honestly, I want my book back. I want it back on my shelf and the ability to carry it with me again. I want to revisit sections and reread favorite parts.
I don’t want to want to reach out to you. I don’t want to have this idea in the back of my mind. I simultaneously want you to leave it where I can grab it without seeing you, and sit down for a drink with you, and have the discussion we should have had months ago.
The discussion about more than just the book. About the things you still admit to me you don’t know, or rather, haven’t let yourself think about long enough to figure out.
I suppose, at some point, I’ll simply buy another copy. Let you be, and accept in my heart these are the things I must let go. But I’d bet it will stay pristine for far longer than the original.
So a while back (On Writing a Sex Scene) I wrote about a book I was writing/working through and how weird both receiving and using feedback can be.
That specific project is still ongoing, however, I have managed to complete a different book. This book is now up on Amazon, and is free always if you have Amazon Prime, and for the next two days if you don’t.
If any of you fantastic lovely people wanted to download the book, hell, maybe even leave a review?? I would love you ’til the ends of the earth.
Two versions of the summary – the one that’s on Amazon
Rory tells herself it’s a trick of the light. That she can’t actually see the spirits of living beings as they die. Until one night, when a starving demon comes across her path, and the mysterious blue and yellow lights are suddenly given a name. Asa can’t understand how a human can see mana, let alone possess it and use it, but wants to help Rory find a way to control her abilities and find out more about her. But he’s not the only one who’s intrigued by the mystery. Others begin to take an interest in Rory’s growing powers, and her potential as a shield, or a weapon, for forces in the demon realm.
and the one I use to describe it in all of my self-deprecating glory.
So, it’s basically a plot-driven romance with demons and sorcerers, with a potential uprising/war and all sorts of lovely darkness. But also humor and sexy times. Also, my editor described it as “this isn’t horrible to go through!” which is the highest praise I feel you can get.
Hopefully one of those convinced you to give it a go. I’m also happy to do the same thing in return if anyone needs.