Love, listen
You gotta own up to this shit too
Because no, it’s not your fault that he’s a lying asshole
But it’s on you that you said
“I’ll be patient.”
“No, don’t worry about it.”
“I promise it’s okay.”
When it fucking wasn’t okay.
Because you are the one that prides themselves on being chill.
On never being called crazy, or at least, not to your face.
Because you have seen women, so many women, who let their emotions ride them and force men into that passenger seat. Who can’t let little things go.
But those little things add up. Those little things mean something. And chill does not mean that you don’t have emotions. That you feel nothing.
And because you’ve not been monogamous, you haven’t had a real, concrete relationship, you haven’t learned how to speak for yourself. To say, this isn’t right.
This isn’t how I should be treated.
You’re not my boyfriend, but you fucked up.
Instead you say
You’re not my boyfriend, so I have no right to be mad.
Even though you are.
And that’s on you.
For setting the standard so damn low and being annoyed when even that isn’t met.
Because my darling you deserve the moon
The stars
Flowers and hugs and kisses on the cheek.
You deserve to have your hand held
To be introduced as, ‘You know, that girl I was telling you about?’
Just because you aren’t monogamous doesn’t mean you are undeserving of respect
Maybe if you didn’t act like you knew you weren’t, and didn’t deserve to be, his number one
He wouldn’t make you his number two
You’ve spent so much time bottling it inside, swallowing your emotions down, allowing tension to creep through your shoulders and to turn your muscles to cement to contain the feelings threatening to drown you.
And when asked a question, instead of the answer you want to give, your flood may leak over, you may speak in nonsensical ways because you are not just batting with what you should say – you are battling with yourself if you should say anything at all.
And through the mess you see what you fear the most.
That look of
‘You’re crazy.’
But now you’re sitting here wondering why he’s not texting you when you gave him carte blanche
To treat you however he choose
While you say
‘It’s fine, I’m here for you.’
While you’re dying on the inside
Wondering what you’ve done to deserve this
And you did not ask for this level of jackassery
You did not ask to be treated like shit
But you did not demand better
Because you felt you couldn’t
That, my love, is what’s crazy
You know you deserve more
That someone fucking up your night and saying ‘I’ll make it up to you…Netflix and chill?’ Is not enough
That someone saying ‘It’s just so confusing right now, I know she wants monogamy but…you’re just so cool.’ And then taking her on dates but ignoring you for days on end, is not okay.
That someone saying ‘I promise, she means nothing,’ taking you home with them, then announcing on Facebook she’s their girlfriend is some cheap shit.
You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to feel. And calling out this bullshit should not be your responsibility – but it is.
Because you have to be your own cheerleader
Your own advocate
Your own coach and overprotective best friend
Because if you don’t set that standard so high that it provides you shade is this sweltering sunshine
Why on earth would he?
